“Would you like snow-chains with that…?”

The 08/09 holiday account Part 1

This holiday has been a great one, certainly one that ranks highly on my favourite list of all the time we’ve spent in Europe. Two weeks of skiing in Austria is not a bad way to spend your Christmas and New Year. We missed family and friends to be sure, but spent a very merry Christmas and New Year despite the lack.

This vac has been notable on a few fronts. Firstly, a few new and novel experiences, and secondly, it has been cold. We’ve had cold days before, even at the temps that we had while we were away, but nothing as sustained as this was.

We left Prague in the low positives, hoping that there would be good snow and decent cold to keep it. By the time we arrived in Austria, LATE on Friday night, it was already getting respectably chilly, snow everywhere, and falling. Our first few days were spent in a hotel situated literally on the slopes – ski-in, ski-out access to the hotel - very nice. But in order to get to it, we had to drive a few Km up the hill… from Solden to Hochsolden. The hill in question here is Alpine, so, it was never going to be your average ascent. Given the state of the weather, this required the use of snow chains – something that we’ve taken with us before, but never had to use, despite my nervous wife’s prompting on occasion.

En route to the hotel, Hayley’s colleague, who organised the group reservations for us at the hotel, and who had arrived earlier in the evening, called to caution us to make the climb with chains – he had passed others who hadn’t used on the way, and they had gotten stuck on the hill. He, of course, made the trip in a 4x4, so… no trouble. Heeding the advice, and the rising angst in the Bugz sitting next to me, we pulled over in Solden, just before the turn-off, to affix said snow chains and continue the trip.

As it happened, we stopped over right in-front of a strip joint – many of the ski areas have a few titty bars in them – Solden is no exception. Anyhow, it was about 7 below and approaching midnight when we pulled over. I had left my big, warm jacket at home in the chaos that is always the Woods departing on a trip. Still, I figured that I could have the chains on inside 15 minutes, and could cope with the temperature just in my fleece and jeans – sure it would be cold, but doable.

The principle is quite simple you understand – the chains are dummy-proof – there is a broken loop of steel cable that fits behind the wheel – it has a single, simple clasp that ties the two ends together and then there are a series of loose polygon-shaped petals that you fold over the tyre and loop together with another chain on the outside of the wheel… perfectly simple, you don’t even have to drive onto the chains to get the tyre covered! The whole assembly is colour-coded so that you basically just have to connect the dots and you’re done. You gotta love it. Anyway – this was to be the first of the new and novel experiences I was talking about a minute ago. I have never used snow-chains before – and here I get to use them for some real testing driving – maybe it’s just “guy thing” but driving up a hill that demands snow-chains is kinda cool, any sissy can drive up a hill on a dry day by pressing a little harder on the accelerator, but snow and gradients so bad that you need chains just to have a chance of making it to the top is just more notable – right? At the pub afterwards, with your mates you could tell all the boys about the hill you conquered with your chains – real men use chains!

Well, I got the the chains from the (very full) boot and opened up the case. They were warm to the touch for about a minute… and then were nothing more than unrelenting purveyors of cold. Undaunted, un-gloved and un-jacketed, chain-man over here got to work. First tyre… ok, this is simple enough – clasp the cable behind the tyre – not too tough, not much wheel clearance tho, so have to push long sleeves up to elbows to get behind the wheels and make the join. Got it, now to flop the traction-bits over and tie them up… hmmm, how is this supposed to work again…? I get the inside loop nice and even, but while getting the first of the polys tied up, the ones on the opposite side of the wheel have buggered off behind the tyre… get hold of them, fingers are going numb, but still working ok, pull on chains to get them even again… no give, not even so that I can see the loops to secure them… I start with the furrowed brow, fussing with the chains, loosening a little here to get more give there, but they slip out and collapse behind the wheel. Back to square one. It’s been about 15 minutes now and I’m getting cold, and shivering – can’t feel much in my fingers anymore, but recognise the chains as distinct from the car by sound and the extra pain of grasping their sharp edges. After another 10 minutes or so of this wrestling match, I begin speaking in tongues – my chosen dialect on this occasion is high French, and I’m glad the engine is running, and the noise of the fan dominate the cabin so the wife and kids can’t hear the old man heaping expletives upon these non-cooperative inanimates.

Soon enough my struggle is noticed by a group of patrons exiting the titty bar I mentioned just now… They wander over having had an eye-full and a skin-full, and begin spouting advice in German – My German is bad, but good enough to know that they are not going to be of much help. As the monologue wears on, Hayley establishes rapport with the group, and by a twist of fate they happen to work for the same company, suddenly I have extra people getting their hands on the problem – maybe they can get it figured out. At this point I would gladly take the hit on my pride, if they get it sorted, I just want to get out of the cold and get to the hotel. It’s been close on an hour now and I am beginning to lose interest in how cool snow-chains are. They take over and sukkel just as much as I have on wheel one, another group takes the second chain and begins work on the other wheel. I’m saved! A group of natives – surely they will conquer these blasted chains and we can get home. After watching the experts at work for about 10 minutes, I become convinced that they are wasting my time and making slower progress than I was, now that is saying something. Still, one can’t be too grateful for help. We decide that the car must be moved forward onto the chains to enable them to be fitted correctly. Hayley, now in the driver’s seat is inching forward, then back, then forward, then back… no progress is being made. This goes on of some time and I take control of wheel one again. Now I am shivering so violently that, an outsider would have been justified in asking his companions what business an epileptic had, trying to fit snow-chains to his vehicle during a seizure.

I still have feeling in my hands but it has nothing to do with the usual sensations one would normally associate with the forms one is touching. It is a monochrome pain that varies not in location, which is from fingertip to elbow, but only in intensity. Now another group of spectators arrives, they are en-route to the skin and perfume shop. There is a motor-mechanic among them, these men are pissed as newts, they are in good spirits, and very helpful as a result. The mechanic first asks everyone present “who hates George Bush?” After we come to the obvious unanimity, the formalities are over, and he goes to work, quoting “yes we can!” from Obama’s acceptance speech, in response to any negativity. While the speech in question is one of the most powerful things I have ever heard, and the quote will go down in history, it had limited impact coming from the swaying mechie in front of me, God bless him. By the 10th repetition, it had lost all of it’s appeal. Another 45 minutes of “Back two inches… just two inches…” forward!… just two inches…” and I wanted to find a hotel for the night or even sleep in the car. It’s 1am.

Eventually, out of complete desperation I unpack the entire boot onto the ice-covered road, and pull out the jack. Ignoring all the protests from the mechanic and his mate, who was providing light on the subject by shining the light from his cell phone into the blackness of the wheel-well, I began to jack up the car. I had horse-race style commentary from the two of them… how the jack should be positioned under the car, and how we don’t even have to turn the wheel to get the chains on… etc. In a trice my white-knuckle grip on the crank had the car off the ground and minutes later the chain fitted. Repeat for the second wheel, during which time the cheerleaders all said their goodbyes and climbed the stairs to DD heaven.

So, 2 and a half hours after beginning the 15 minute job, and now pleasantly numb, I re-packed the car and began the macho drive up the treacherous hill.

“How about that weather?!”

The 08/09 holiday account Part 2

The Alpin Hotel Enzian. A very nice place. On-piste, and the kids ski-school assembles on the doorstep every morning – couldn’t be better. Expensive tho! Still, I guess you get what you pay for – which is a lot. Enzian is the one in the middle here – it has many a feature, for the kids, none more important than the indoor swimming pool with glass walls so you can don your cozzie, have a splash and watch skiers zooming down the slope outside.

How’s that for a moody sky? Lovely stuff. See the precipitous drop behind the buildings…? That, my friends, is snow-chain territory! Not for sissies.

I had hoped for a very late morning given the excitement of the previous night, but you know, the kids had slept most of the journey and so were full of the joys before the sun came up – don’t you feel sorry for me?

Actually, we got down for breakfast at about 9, most people were already out, but Hayley’s colleague, Josef and his family were waiting for us. We caught up on the events of the trip up the hill and, after they had calmed themselves they went off for a ski.

We settled in for a nice breakfast!

This is Amber’s idea of a healthy breakfast. You can tell she loves it!

Fruit is much more appealing when it looks, and tastes like cake!

Sazza busy with her kwassso…

We were in no rush to leave the building, the food is good, the view out onto the mountains is even better and there are a full two weeks of snow and skiing ahead of us – paradise methinks.

Last night it snowed, today it is snowing some more, heavy skies overhead, but good enough viz for some decent skiing, which we accomplished.

The girls love the idea of building snowmen – its just the actual building of them that is not that interesting. What usually happens is that we decide to build one, then Hayley and I get to construct the thing while Amber and Saz frolic about “helping”. I’m not complaining mind you – I quite enjoy it.

On this occasion, the snow wasn’t balling at all well, so we went with a kind of towering approach…

This is Sarah building a snow man

This is Amber selecting a clump that looks like it could be a head

Saz didn’t think we had enough snow to construct the man, and so spent time mining for fresh snow nearby and bringing it in to add to the snowman.

After about an hour of construction and a very one-sided snow-fight our towering snowman was done – well all except for the spaghetti hair, coal eyes, carrot nose and so on.

When we arrived at the hotel, we parked in front of the place, not aware that there was under-cover parking for guests. For the past 2 days, I’ve been watching the car slowly become less visible beneath the gathering snow from the bedroom window.

Now for another of those firsts… I got a snow shovel from the gaffer and set out to liberate the car in fear that we wouldn’t be able to find it when we check out 2 days from now. Apart from the snow falling on everything, the car was parked (alongside others) close to the road that goes up, past the hotel. All the snow that falls on the road is graded aside each morning and during the day by the snow ploughs, just adding to the blockage.

Ours is the one in the middle. The bank of snow behind the cars is about 3 feet deep, on top – about a foot. This is the accumulation of 36 hours – I didn’t fancy what it would look like 2 more days hence – and it is still snowing.

Last year we took care to be fit for the ski season, running and weight training well in advance to make the most of the season, this year, we have done naught – and it is about to show… more than once.

Shovel in hand I eagerly anticipated the novelty of shovelling snow for the first time. So it was 12 below outside, but I was in my ski jacket and gloves, warm enough this time and under no pressure.

Snow scoops up well enough into the shovel, I had a massive one, it must have held at least 5kgs of snow at a time. I felt like singing Shosholoza as I hefted the powder spade after spade in the crisp air.

After the first 300kgs of snow, the novelty was beginning to wear off tho, and there was still a way to go. I took care to swing the snow as far out as I could, and got most of it clear, but the poor bugger parked to my right was going to have a lot more digging to do than I. About a ton of snow later, my lower back was lecturing me like a fish-wife, but at least the car was mobile. I left all the snow on the roof and hood, but cleared the glass and drove to the parking garage – you know every last flake of it was still there when we left.

On the way out, I had to stop and get a photo of this – there was a row of cars parked just below the hotel, some of them literally invisible under the snow. When it’s cold out you are well advised to lift your windscreepers to prevent them freezing to the glass – in this case it serves another purpose – if you can identify your car by it’s screepers that is!

The girls love eating snow. So much so, that we often have to stop them from eating stuff that has past it’s “Best Before” date if you know what I mean. Our balcony was under about 3 feet of snow, and after the girls had scooped most of what they could get off of the window sills, it was out onto the balcony with their glasses to get more.

Amber is eating hers off of her tooth brush… aye. As happy as…

Some of the icicles hanging down from the roof of the balcony – look at them mountains!

Solden is a stunning place – as far as skiing is concerned, much better than Stubai, but I’ll get back to that later. It has that spaciousness that we found on the slopes in the Grand Massive – I think the widest piste I have ever seen is here, there’s a lovely fast blue that runs down to the middle station that has to be several hundred meters wide.

And wherever you look, there is just the most beautiful scenery – we’ll be back here often I hope.

Ok, so cloudy is not the best for skiing, but this is not so hard on the eyes!

We need to move to an apartment lower down the hill (below snow-chain country) for the second part of our week. Apartment Rangger it is – self catering now, no more half-board, but clean, spacious apartments, this is one place we’ll come back to. Here’s the view from the balcony looking over Solden town.

Bugz getting ready to go – you can see the glacier in the background. If this looks cold, it isn’t – cold happened a long time ago. With the wind chill, its probably about –25 out there, you literally need to pace thaw-stops into your day. It’s not an all-over cold, the clothes take care of the body, and 4 layers is cozy warm on top, but the toes, fingers and face… these take a pounding. Many a Km we skid grasping extra hard onto ski poles coz you can’t actually feel them properly your fingers are so numb.

For the first few days we didn’t venture to the top of the hill – I think the highest skiable point here is 3333m – because of the cloud. On a previous visit we tried it, got caught in thick cloud, abandoned the ascent, and almost literally had to feel our way down the hill again. That attempt was made with the kids in tow – as you might imagine, trying to get blind babies to ski is not easy.

This time, attempting it ourselves was going to be better. The sky was clear and the weather crisp as we made the trip. The higher we went up the hill, the more the wind blew, one some occasions, it was strong enough that you’d have to turn away from it to be able to breathe. At the top station the temperature was radically colder than the mid-slopes of –15 or so that we’d been skiing, I don’t know what it was precisely, but you can take my word for it! The lift station at the top had these curious snow-growths attached like barnacles on the hull of a ship, or maybe more like coral on rock.

Somehow, the driven snow gains purchase on a spot on the glass or wall and then begins to grow – see some growing in the middle of clear glass? It was all the creativity I could muster to frame the mountains in the mirror before I sacrificed a digit to the cold.

We are under 4 layers of clothing, and these little snow-growths began to form on our ski jackets! Blasted on initially by the wind, or perhaps, the escaping moisture from a warm(ish) body beneath was simply freezing on contact with the air.

This is what it looks like from the top of the hill – see how deep the mountains go…

The trip down was interesting in part because of the cold – our goggles froze over completely, so that looking through them was worse than trying to look through a heavily frosted pane of glass. The wind, whipping up snow into those drifts you see in documentaries on the Arctic, made the use of goggles essential. Snow in the eyes is not pleasant on a good day, snow blasting the eyes is unbearable. We had to stop to try and clear the visors. At first, scratching the ice off seemed a good way to go, but was messy, and seemed so abrasive as to score the visors, so was abandoned. I decided to make the trip down using eyelashes to keep the snow out and let in just enough visual to stay on the mountain, Hayley though can’t do things like this, so I began licking the ice off her goggles. The strategy was effective, but not really elegant, the spit re-froze in seconds, so a lick and wipe process was used to get the worst off – at least it got us down the slope.

The other thing that contributed to making the trip down so interesting was attempting the most severe black run we have ever encountered. We ski’d the alternative long blue route down, and it is great fun, but there is nothing like a nice challenging black to get you going. At the top of most slopes, you can see something of what is coming up – not here – you can see the slope disappear and then reappear 1500m later. I chuckled to myself as we went over – you fall once on a slope like this and you get up at the bottom. It is so steep that, the snow you disturb during a turn comes with you down the slope, rolling along the surface beside you. As it happened, the gradient actually got steeper mid-way down so that standing in a moderately tight turn, I could put my hand out and touch the mountain. An un-groomed slope like this would be avalanche material – certainly off limits for our skill level. It was hectic with a capital “huh!” Obviously we had to do it again… it was lovely.

Towards the bottom of the most severe part I was taken completely by surprise as not one, but many skiers came past in schus mode – i.e. 90 degrees to the slope, or in open carves – in either case they must have been approaching the speed of sound on their descent – madness, until I can do it you understand…

It’s hard to convey a sense of the steepness involved, but this is what I am talking about.

See you in part 3…

Christmas, New Year and Conclusion

The 08/09 holiday account Part 3

Christmas is one of three annual events that get a countdown, with our girls. This one was just as eagerly anticipated as you can imagine, even though there are no cousins, or other playmates about.

Given the payload of presents we took with us, it was a wonder the kids didn’t spot the contraband in the car, or the hiding places in our various accommodations. As it happened, more luggage space was devoted to pressies than clothes.

It was agreed that Christmas day was going to be spent at home, unwrapping, playing and NOT skiing. The kids love skiing, but they love presents more. Count-down days are also the days that start the earliest – I don’t know how it happens, but if there’s an AM on the clock and one of the kids wakes up, the rest of us don’t get a minute more sleep, especially when “Santa’s been here… Santa’s been here…” rings out at 100Db.

Their bedroom was well stocked with gifts, which Mr and Mrs Claus wrapped in the room down the hall until midnight o’clock and half past 2… one thing you can’t do is transport gifts wrapped, the risk of discovery is too high and they’ll look like nothing on earth by the time they’ve been shuffled between suitcases for a week.

Amber is the present police… Sarah gets to unwrap her presents, then Amber takes them away, examines them, if she likes it more than her version, or better than something she has, then “We can share this toy etc” if not, then its Sarah’s. Amber is always done unwrapping all her stuff by the time Saz is half way through, then she wants to “help” with the remainder of the unwrapping!

Two girls with their silk dresses, Amber likes them, just wishes that hers was that pink…

 

Santa also left some smaller gifts in the kitchen – lucky packet style

Make-up! We are happy.

Application of make-up, now we are REALLY happy

Of course, we couldn’t spend the entire day indoors, so, after adequate playing time had been allowed, and all the signs of cooped-up kids began showing up, we headed outside for some sport. Didn’t have to go far either, the empty field next door was a fertile spot for fun. Not particularly elegant though – we couldn’t fit the sleighs etc into the car, so sliding down slopes was done on bums or shopping bags.

If you were Amber or Sarah, then you got to ride a parent down the hill – way more comfy than any sleigh.

The soft snow needed to be compacted before anything like a decent surface for sliding appears - good thing the kids have heavy parents - I am speaking for myself of course!

Across the valley from our regular ski haunt in the Stubai Glacier, there is a decent set of slopes for skiers and... tobogganers... the hotel we stayed at had a whole pile of really nice sleighs free to borrow - we thought we'd need to buy or rent, but got hold of some beauties courtesy of the establishment and set off for some serious runs. The toboggan trails were popular with dozens of families and other enthusiasts queuing to get into the gondolas. Poor skiers were a bit overwhelmed I think.

Anyway, once at the top, we emerged from the lift station to survey the prospects for the first time. It looked great... if you had ski's on. We'd taken the executive decision not to allow the kids on their own vehicles, because, if they get out of control, then there's nothing to stop them plummeting off the edge of the trail, and these trails are steep, well wooded and busy.

No matter, off we go! Those thin sleighs are fast, and the feeling of speed is amplified by being so close to the ground. The obvious culmination of all of this, is the continuous string of control commands coming from the girls (sitting in front of each of us on the sleighs). They'd have their heels dug in too, unevenly mostly causing a steering nightmare for the pilots. Not to mention the high-pressure snow shower you get when there are brakes (dug-in heels) being applied ahead of you, throwing up an absolute blizzard of snow for you to speed through.

The first run went by with a mixture of elation and screams of fear and loathing. Hayley and I had a crash-course in cross-country sleigh management, steering and braking are not so difficult as they are imprecise and lacking a sense of response. A sleigh, moving at speed does not slow down anywhere close to fast enough, and steers in what can only be described as a leisurely and somewhat general trend. Once I learned how to broadside the thing, then I could at least manage the hair-pin turns of which there were many. Because there were so many people out on the trails, there were these long patches of ice where the snow is almost completely absent unless it is compacted into the ground. Now, if braking and steering on snow can be described as ineffective, you should try braking on ice. Let’s just say, it can get a little more exciting than you want it to, and way more excitement than your child signed up for, man, they let you know about it!

When the trails are not treacherous turning or braking, when you’re not dodging traffic, then you’re having great fun, until you hit the potholes… I’m making it sound like hell on a sleigh, but it wasn’t really… when you do a pothole in the car, or on skis, you generally know that you’ve been over a depression, sometimes the bump is a bit of a jolt, but you always have some kind of suspension beneath you, springs, legs etc, coping with the diverse forces at work. Things are different on a sleigh. You have a direct, and very solid connection to the ground, the most giving parts of which are the solid shafts of the wooden frame. Of course, then there is your bum, which you’d think would be able to absorb at least some of the shock, which, to be fair, it does, it just does it very poorly. After all the calculations have been done, gravity, inertia and speed have all placed their bets, what remains is a single and pronounced excess of energy that needs to be dispelled into the universe. The sleigh, following all the laws of physics to which it is bound, releases the energy directly upward, the overall experience of which is not unlike falling though the canvas of a deck chair onto a hard floor, or a hard kick up the bum. It’s funny when it’s not happening to you – we’d be zooming down a straight watching the people ahead of us popping up off their sleigh like popcorn trying to jump out of a pot, legs flying about, shrieks, and sometimes derailment.

The second run was a bit more eventful. Amber, having disembarked from the lift station, dragged her sleigh out onto the top of the slope, pulled it forward and dropped the reigns. I watched it. It wasn’t moving fast at all, very close to a dead stop actually, but… just not slow enough. It began gaining speed and heading directly down the skiers slope. I was busy taking a video at the time, and, seeing the sleigh making a run for it, I gave chase… in hiking boots on the snow… remarkably I did get to the sleigh, sliding in to grab it before I became a statistical irrelevance to the gravity that was about to take over the entire situation. I grabbed at it, but couldn’t get a grip and off it went, following the most direct line down-hill that was available. Soon, it was going so fast I could barely believe it. I could see it for a while as it streaked for the bottom, then it was gone, beyond the curve of the mountain. It must have hit some uneven ground, or else it was required to change direction too quickly, but the next thing I saw was the sleigh catapulting high into the air, spinning and rolling like an overkill Hollywood car crash.

I had called down the slope to warn any skiers that there was a huge wood and steel missile coming, but anyone more than 50m away would have heard nothing, and the sleigh was going so fast, that, they probably would have felt nothing too, if they’d taken a direct hit. It was a chilling time.

When I tried to stand up, I found the slope was too steep, any any attempt to get up had me skidding before my hands were off the ground, so down I went on my bum, at least I had some braking ability. I couldn’t see the sleigh anywhere, and thank heavens, I couldn’t see any dead bodies either. After about a Km of hill, I was able to get up and walk, could see no sign of the sleigh. The base of the slope, and its sides were lined with scrub and woods, a few places had fences that might have snagged the thing, but it wasn’t anywhere to be found. I gave up looking and began my way back toward the trail to see if I would meet up the the wife and girls. On my way, I saw someone approaching me on foot. It’s a rare enough thing, on a ski slope, and lo… she had the sleigh! Turned out, it had either hit, or had narrowly passed a small hut on one of the training slopes way down the hill. No one had been hurt.

Eventually the girls rounded the bend and came into sight – Hayley was driving so, it was about as exciting as driving Miss Daisy, but, given that we’d just endangered the lives of strangers, and that there were three people on a single sleigh, propriety was probably well in order.

New years came about a bit subdued. There was a great amount excitement in the camp, the hotel pulled out all the stops with dinner, decoration etc, and were right into the spirit of the occasion.

How lucky can one man get?

Saz looking resplendent in her new dress

Amber with the indomitable cow

Roll on the festivities, Europeans love fireworks, they are freely available, and everybody buys them, tons of them. Add to this, the stuff that is bought by establishments for their shows, and new-years is like Guy-Fawkes for as far as the eye can see for hours.

Outside, our hotel had also put on a show, horrible music – mostly German folk-style covers of 80’s numbers, but with well enough local content to make it less than meaningless to me. Fortunately, the locals, or at least those sharing the requisite cultural sensitivities to appreciate the fare were having an absolute ball. Some very… very interesting moves on the dance floor (a cleared space in the restaurant – quite adequate mind you), I’ll leave this one at that, lets just say that there were some innovations on display that… well, lets just leave it at that…

The glühwein flowed freely – that stuff could thaw anything – and there was loads of merriment, we watched the displays for a while, and when it had died down to the hectic partying that was going to be the tempo until 3 or 4 in the morning, we went off to bed.

Stubai is a quaint little town, in a valley completely surrounded by skiing resorts. This makes it a busy place when it’s busy, the traffic is terrible – those single-lane roads just can’t cope.

This is the church in the town centre.

Of course, there was still lots of skiing to be done, new years day was good and quiet on the slopes, as you can imagine, with all those hangovers to deal with.

It’s hard to get enough of something like this. Just the scenery is infinite.

Deciding against more trail tobogganing, we found a small field nearby and took the kids out for a spin on the sleighs to wind up the holiday. No traffic, no ice, and no danger… no lifts either

Which means, you gotta pull that thing up the hill girls! But once you’re up, then the getting down is all good!

 

And, that’s where we have to leave it I’m afraid… till the next time!